I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
