she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
