Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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