I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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