it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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