No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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