Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
