i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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