matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
