if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did i walk over a car last night?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
