she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
