You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
