you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
