ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
