I wish life had little blips of pornography
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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