Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
