he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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