im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
