I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
