is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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