its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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