worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
