It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
