clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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