My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
