Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
