I have demons in me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
