Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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