I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!