So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
did i walk over a car last night?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
