Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
how does that bad decision feel?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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