My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it