Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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