Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
