People with herpes should wear stickers.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This house was built for laser tag.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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