all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
