I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize