i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
