the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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