i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
