He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
