So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
