On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
