Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
