finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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