nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
