He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
