hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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