Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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