he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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