Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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