I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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