ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
