Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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