Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
