6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm getting married
To pizza
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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