if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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