My hair reeks of homosexuality.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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