Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
