FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
