i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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