i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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