chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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