Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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