I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
