I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
