I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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