we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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