Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
