I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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