We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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