Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
