420 ftw
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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